So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
