I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
