Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
