I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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