why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
