I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize