I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize