so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
