I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I currently don't understand fingers.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
