is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
