His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
