just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
