I hate your face
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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