Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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