Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
