and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
