Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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