I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
this just has baby written all over it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
