I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We are two peas in an std pod
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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