I'm really into asian looking animals
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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