I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
