well I can't set my house on fire every night
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
