What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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