i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
me + whiskey = a bad person
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
