she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
