No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize