If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
