That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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