i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
