I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
