We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
