wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
