He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
