R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My ass is underappreciated
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
