At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
