I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
did i just pee glitter
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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