is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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