I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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