Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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