I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
