Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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