i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
