I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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