Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
