Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize