I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I want a musical about memes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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