i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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