I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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