I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
