The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
