Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
