oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
