i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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