So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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