While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
