i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
