She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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