so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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