He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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