when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
