Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
