Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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