I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
