You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
