I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
