I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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