grandma shit on top of the toilet
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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