Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
