I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
