You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She even gives head with a lisp.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
