also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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