I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
