you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
