dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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