You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize